`you shan't be beheaded!' said alice, and she put them into a large flower-pot that stood near.
`well, it's got no business there, at any rate: go and take it away!'
the gryphon sat up and rubbed its eyes: then it watched the queen till she was out of sight: then it chuckled.
she waited for some time without hearing anything more: at last came a rumbling of little cartwheels, and the sound of a good many voices all talking together: she made out the words: `where's the other ladder?--why, i hadn't to bring but one; bill's got the other--bill! fetch it here, lad!--here, put 'em up at this corner--no, tie 'em together first--they don't reach half high enough yet--oh! they'll do well enough; don't be particular-- here, bill! catch hold of this rope--will the roof bear?--mind that loose slate--oh, it's coming down!
`what are they doing?'
`leave off that!' screamed the queen.
`please, then,' said alice, `how am i to get in?'
for instance, if you were inside, you might knock, and i could let you out, you know.'
the mouse did not answer, so alice went on eagerly: `there is such a nice little dog near our house i should like to show you!
chapter xii
alice waited a little, half expecting to see it again, but it did not appear, and after a minute or two she walked on in the direction in which the march hare was said to live.
just then she heard something splashing about in the pool a little way off, and she swam nearer to make out what it was: at first she thought it must be a walrus or hippopotamus, but then she remembered how small she was now, and she soon made out that it was only a mouse that had slipped in like herself.
the other side of what?' thought alice to herself.
`no, no!
what will become of me?'
she said the last words out loud, and the little thing grunted in reply (it had left off sneezing by this time).
it was so large a house, that she did not like to go nearer till she had nibbled some more of the lefthand bit of mushroom, and raised herself to about two feet high: even then she walked up towards it rather timidly, saying to herself `suppose it should be raving mad after all!
she said the last word with such sudden violence that alice quite jumped; but she saw in another moment that it was addressed to the baby, and not to her, so she took courage, and went on again:--
`take off your hat,' the king said to the hatter.
you're a serpent; and there's no use denying it.
alice was silent.
`well, i'll eat it,' said alice, `and if it makes me grow larger, i can reach the key; and if it makes me grow smaller, i can creep under the door; so either way i'll get into the garden, and i don't care which happens!'
the poor little thing sobbed again (or grunted, it was impossible to say which), and they went on for some while in silence.
`hold your tongue!' said the queen, turning purple.
alice thought the whole thing very absurd, but they all looked so grave that she did not dare to laugh; and, as she could not think of anything to say, she simply bowed, and took the thimble, looking as solemn as she could.
`i make you a present of everything i've said as yet.'
so she swallowed one of the cakes, and was delighted to find that she began shrinking directly.
she stretched herself up on tiptoe, and peeped over the edge of the mushroom, and her eyes immediately met those of a large caterpillar, that was sitting on the top with its arms folded, quietly smoking a long hookah, and taking not the smallest notice of her or of anything else.
and here poor alice began to cry again, for she felt very lonely and low-spirited.
`wow! wow! wow!'
`how queer it seems,' alice said to herself, `to be going messages for a rabbit!
`what's in it?' said the queen.
either the well was very deep, or she fell very slowly, for she had plenty of time as she went down to look about her and to wonder what was going to happen next.
`how do you like the queen?' said the cat in a low voice.
(sounds of more broken glass.)
`treacle,' said the dormouse, without considering at all this time.
soup of the evening, beautiful soup!
`i should like to hear her try and repeat something now.
`would you like to see a little of it?' said the mock turtle.
there could be no doubt that it had a very turn-up nose, much more like a snout than a real nose; also its eyes were getting extremely small for a baby: altogether alice did not like the look of the thing at all.
alice was not much surprised at this, she was getting so used to queer things happening.
on this the white rabbit blew three blasts on the trumpet, and then unrolled the parchment scroll, and read as follows:--
alice went timidly up to the door, and knocked.
`now we shall get on better.'
however, the multiplication table doesn't signify: let's try geography.
`you're wrong about the crumbs,' said the mock turtle: `crumbs would all wash off in the sea.
imagine her surprise, when the white rabbit read out, at the top of his shrill little voice, the name `alice!'
how puzzling all these changes are!
`the lobsters!' shouted the gryphon, with a bound into the air.
the king turned pale, and shut his note-book hastily.
what happened to you?
`well, perhaps not,' said alice in a soothing tone: `don't be angry about it.
the hatter shook his head mournfully.
i shall be a great deal too far off to trouble myself about you: you must manage the best way you can; --but i must be kind to them,' thought alice, `or perhaps they won't walk the way i want to go!
oh dear, what nonsense i'm talking!'
`you're a very poor speaker,' said the king.
`you did,' said the mock turtle.
`it is a long tail, certainly,' said alice, looking down with wonder at the mouse's tail; `but why do you call it sad?'
`why, she,' said the gryphon.
`why with an m?' said alice.
so they had to fall a long way.
`are they in the prisoner's handwriting?' asked another of they jurymen.
`begin at the beginning,' the king said gravely, `and go on till you come to the end: then stop.'
a large rose-tree stood near the entrance of the garden: the roses growing on it were white, but there were three gardeners at it, busily painting them red.
suddenly she came upon a little three-legged table, all made of solid glass; there was nothing on it except a tiny golden key, and alice's first thought was that it might belong to one of the doors of the hall; but, alas! either the locks were too large, or the key was too small, but at any rate it would not open any of them.
(it was this last remark that had made the whole party look so grave and anxious.)
always lay the blame on others!'
`why?' said the caterpillar.
`please come back and finish your story!'
`there might be some sense in your knocking,' the footman went on without attending to her, `if we had the door between us.
the poor little lizard, bill, was in the middle, being held up by two guinea-pigs, who were giving it something out of a bottle.
the chief difficulty alice found at first was in managing her flamingo: she succeeded in getting its body tucked away, comfortably enough, under her arm, with its legs hanging down, but generally, just as she had got its neck nicely straightened out, and was going to give the hedgehog a blow with its head, it would twist itself round and look up in her face, with such a puzzled expression that she could not help bursting out laughing: and when she had got its head down, and was going to begin again, it was very provoking to find that the hedgehog had unrolled itself, and was in the act of crawling away: besides all this, there was generally a ridge or furrow in the way wherever she wanted to send the hedgehog to, and, as the doubled-up soldiers were always getting up and walking off to other parts of the ground, alice soon came to the conclusion that it was a very difficult game indeed.
`what was that?' inquired alice.
come on!'
it's enough to drive one crazy!'
`up, lazy thing!' said the queen, `and take this young lady to see the mock turtle, and to hear his history.
but she did not venture to say it out loud.
alice was more and more puzzled, but she thought there was no use in saying anything more till the pigeon had finished.
even the duchess sneezed occasionally; and as for the baby, it was sneezing and howling alternately without a moment's pause.
after these came the royal children; there were ten of them, and the little dears came jumping merrily along hand in hand, in couples: they were all ornamented with hearts.
`why,' said the dodo, `the best way to explain it is to do it.'
alice asked.
`give your evidence,' said the king; `and don't be nervous, or i'll have you executed on the spot.'
`not at all,' said alice: `she's so extremely--' just then she noticed that the queen was close behind her, listening: so she went on, `--likely to win, that it's hardly worth while finishing the game.'
`my name is alice, so please your majesty,' said alice very politely; but she added, to herself, `why, they're only a pack of cards, after all.
`oh, don't bother me,' said the duchess; `i never could abide figures!'
`but it's no use now,' thought poor alice, `to pretend to be two people!
i dare say there may be one.'
`i can't help it,' said alice very meekly: `i'm growing.'
the poor little thing was snorting like a steam-engine when she caught it, and kept doubling itself up and straightening itself out again, so that altogether, for the first minute or two, it was as much as she could do to hold it.
`and who are these?' said the queen, pointing to the three gardeners who were lying round the rosetree; for, you see, as they were lying on their faces, and the pattern on their backs was the same as the rest of the pack, she could not tell whether they were gardeners, or soldiers, or courtiers, or three of her own children.
`dinah'll miss me very much to-night, i should think!'
`you ought to be ashamed of yourself for asking such a simple question,' added the gryphon; and then they both sat silent and looked at poor alice, who felt ready to sink into the earth.
`fourteenth of march, i think it was,' he said.
alice thought this a very curious thing, and she went nearer to watch them, and just as she came up to them she heard one of them say, `look out now, five!
beau--ootiful soo--oop!
`then the dormouse shall!' they both cried.
`i'm sure i'm not ada,' she said, `for her hair goes in such long ringlets, and mine doesn't go in ringlets at all; and i'm sure i can't be mabel, for i know all sorts of things, and she, oh! she knows such a very little!
`who are you?' said the caterpillar.
the white rabbit put on his spectacles.
`here!
so alice began telling them her adventures from the time when she first saw the white rabbit.
alice ventured to ask.
`but what did the dormouse say?' one of the jury asked.
`of course not,' alice replied very readily: `but that's because it stays the same year for such a long time together.'
chapter vii
`i never thought about it,' said alice.
it's high time you were all in bed!'
i wish you would have this cat removed!'
chapter i
`hold your tongue!' added the gryphon, before alice could speak again.
but there seemed to be no chance of this, so she began looking at everything about her, to pass away the time.
this time alice waited patiently until it chose to speak again.
`then it ought to be number one,' said alice.
`you did!' said the hatter.
mind now!'
`well, perhaps you haven't found it so yet,' said alice; `but when you have to turn into a chrysalis--you will some day, you know--and then after that into a butterfly, i should think you'll feel it a little queer, won't you?'
i must have been changed for mabel!
`come, we shall have some fun now!' thought alice.
she soon got it out again, and put it right; `not that it signifies much,' she said to herself; `i should think it would be quite as much use in the trial one way up as the other.'
`come, there's no use in crying like that!' said alice to herself, rather sharply; `i advise you to leave off this minute!'
when she got back to the cheshire cat, she was surprised to find quite a large crowd collected round it: there was a dispute going on between the executioner, the king, and the queen, who were all talking at once, while all the rest were quite silent, and looked very uncomfortable.
`well, perhaps your feelings may be different,' said alice; `all i know is, it would feel very queer to me.'
`if there's no meaning in it,' said the king, `that saves a world of trouble, you know, as we needn't try to find any.
she was walking by the white rabbit, who was peeping anxiously into her face.
`are you content now?' said the caterpillar.
she had just succeeded in curving it down into a graceful zigzag, and was going to dive in among the leaves, which she found to be nothing but the tops of the trees under which she had been wandering, when a sharp hiss made her draw back in a hurry: a large pigeon had flown into her face, and was beating her violently with its wings.
the jury all wrote down on their slates, `she doesn't believe there's an atom of meaning in it,' but none of them attempted to explain the paper.
`somebody said,' alice whispered, `that it's done by everybody minding their own business!'
do you think i can listen all day to such stuff?
alice began to feel very uneasy: to be sure, she had not as yet had any dispute with the queen, but she knew that it might happen any minute, `and then,' thought she, `what would become of me?
who stole the tarts?
`never mind!' said the king, with an air of great relief.
mary ann!' said the voice.
beau--ootiful soo--oop!
`they told me you had been to her, and mentioned me to him: she gave me a good character, but said i could not swim.
`just about as much right,' said the duchess, `as pigs have to fly; and the m--'
soo--oop of the e--e--evening, beautiful, beauti--ful soup!'
the dormouse shook its head impatiently, and said, without opening its eyes, `of course, of course; just what i was going to remark myself.'
`if it had grown up,' she said to herself, `it would have made a dreadfully ugly child: but it makes rather a handsome pig, i think.'
the mock turtle went on.
`why, you don't even know what they're about!'
besides, she's she, and i'm i, and--oh dear, how puzzling it all is!
after a time she heard a little pattering of feet in the distance, and she hastily dried her eyes to see what was coming.
just as she said this, she noticed that one of the trees had a door leading right into it.
`not quite right, i'm afraid,' said alice, timidly; `some of the words have got altered.'
`i don't see,' said the caterpillar.
`repeat, "you are old, father william,"' said the caterpillar.
`i only took the regular course.'
the hatter was the only one who got any advantage from the change: and alice was a good deal worse off than before, as the march hare had just upset the milk-jug into his plate.
as she said this she looked down at her hands, and was surprised to see that she had put on one of the rabbit's little white kid gloves while she was talking.
the fish-footman began by producing from under his arm a great letter, nearly as large as himself, and this he handed over to the other, saying, in a solemn tone, `for the duchess.
`well, there was mystery,' the mock turtle replied, counting off the subjects on his flappers, `--mystery, ancient and modern, with seaography: then drawling--the drawling-master was an old conger-eel, that used to come once a week: he taught us drawling, stretching, and fainting in coils.'
`i'm getting tired of this.
(`i only wish it was,' the march hare said to itself in a whisper.)
`they were learning to draw,' the dormouse went on, yawning and rubbing its eyes, for it was getting very sleepy; `and they drew all manner of things--everything that begins with an m--'
`come, there's half my plan done now!
`is that all?' said alice, swallowing down her anger as well as she could.
`if you knew time as well as i do,' said the hatter, `you wouldn't talk about wasting it.
`as wet as ever,' said alice in a melancholy tone: `it doesn't seem to dry me at all.'
nobody moved.
`then you keep moving round, i suppose?' said alice.
`you should learn not to make personal remarks,' alice said with some severity; `it's very rude.'
oh dear!
`perhaps it doesn't understand english,' thought alice; `i daresay it's a french mouse, come over with william the conqueror.'
`and how many hours a day did you do lessons?' said alice, in a hurry to change the subject.
`the twinkling of the what?' said the king.
don't let him know she liked them best, for this must ever be a secret, kept from all the rest, between yourself and me.'
`not a bit,' said the caterpillar.
`i can't explain myself, i'm afraid, sir' said alice, `because i'm not myself, you see.'
the queen turned angrily away from him, and said to the knave `turn them over!'
(he pronounced it `arrum.')
`i passed by his garden, and marked, with one eye, how the owl and the panther were sharing a pie--'
soon her eye fell on a little glass box that was lying under the table: she opened it, and found in it a very small cake, on which the words `eat me' were beautifully marked in currants.
here was another puzzling question; and as alice could not think of any good reason, and as the caterpillar seemed to be in a very unpleasant state of mind, she turned away.
at this moment the king, who had been for some time busily writing in his note-book, cackled out `silence!' and read out from his book, `rule forty-two.
alice felt so desperate that she was ready to ask help of any one; so, when the rabbit came near her, she began, in a low, timid voice, `if you please, sir--' the rabbit started violently, dropped the white kid gloves and the fan, and skurried away into the darkness as hard as he could go.
`oh, there goes his precious nose'; as an unusually large saucepan flew close by it, and very nearly carried it off.
a bright idea came into alice's head.
`serpent, i say again!' repeated the pigeon, but in a more subdued tone, and added with a kind of sob, `i've tried every way, and nothing seems to suit them!'
`never!' said the queen furiously, throwing an inkstand at the lizard as she spoke.
`not like cats!' cried the mouse, in a shrill, passionate voice.
`--i proceed.
alice felt that this could not be denied, so she tried another question.
but the insolence of his normans--" how are you getting on now, my dear?' it continued, turning to alice as it spoke.
alice was rather doubtful whether she ought not to lie down on her face like the three gardeners, but she could not remember ever having heard of such a rule at processions; `and besides, what would be the use of a procession,' thought she, `if people had all to lie down upon their faces, so that they couldn't see it?'
this did not seem to encourage the witness at all: he kept shifting from one foot to the other, looking uneasily at the queen, and in his confusion he bit a large piece out of his teacup instead of the bread-and-butter.
it's the most curious thing i ever saw in my life!'
`i told you butter wouldn't suit the works!' he added looking angrily at the march hare.
he looked at alice, and tried to speak, but for a minute or two sobs choked his voice.
the cat only grinned when it saw alice.
`anything you like,' said the footman, and began whistling.
(and she tried to curtsey as she spoke--fancy curtseying as you're falling through the air!
alice did not at all like the tone of this remark, and thought it would be as well to introduce some other subject of conversation.
the baby grunted again, and alice looked very anxiously into its face to see what was the matter with it.
i said "what for?"'
this was not an encouraging opening for a conversation.
lewis carroll
the master was an old turtle--we used to call him tortoise--'
this piece of rudeness was more than alice could bear: she got up in great disgust, and walked off; the dormouse fell asleep instantly, and neither of the others took the least notice of her going, though she looked back once or twice, half hoping that they would call after her: the last time she saw them, they were trying to put the dormouse into the teapot.
so she began again: `ou est ma chatte?' which was the first sentence in her french lesson-book.
the next witness was the duchess's cook.
i'll set dinah at you!'
that'll be a comfort, one way--never to be an old woman-- but then--always to have lessons to learn!
let me see: four times five is twelve, and four times six is thirteen, and four times seven is--oh dear!
for a minute or two she stood looking at the house, and wondering what to do next, when suddenly a footman in livery came running out of the wood--(she considered him to be a footman because he was in livery: otherwise, judging by his face only, she would have called him a fish)--and rapped loudly at the door with his knuckles.
`hold your tongue, ma!' said the young crab, a little snappishly.
`it is a very good height indeed!' said the caterpillar angrily, rearing itself upright as it spoke (it was exactly three inches high).
when i used to read fairy-tales, i fancied that kind of thing never happened, and now here i am in the middle of one!
`that's none of your business, two!' said seven.
the frog-footman repeated, in the same solemn tone, only changing the order of the words a little, `from the queen.
`now at ours they had at the end of the bill, "french, music, and washing--extra."'
they all made a rush at alice the moment she appeared; but she ran off as hard as she could, and soon found herself safe in a thick wood.
alice replied eagerly, for she was always ready to talk about her pet: `dinah's our cat.
`that's the most important piece of evidence we've heard yet,' said the king, rubbing his hands; `so now let the jury--'
oh my fur and whiskers!
but her sister sat still just as she left her, leaning her head on her hand, watching the setting sun, and thinking of little alice and all her wonderful adventures, till she too began dreaming after a fashion, and this was her dream:--
`i wish i had our dinah here, i know i do!' said alice aloud, addressing nobody in particular.
`how dreadfully savage!' exclaimed alice.
`i shall sit here,' the footman remarked, `till tomorrow--'
there was not a moment to be lost: away went alice like the wind, and was just in time to hear it say, as it turned a corner, `oh my ears and whiskers, how late it's getting!'
`perhaps not,' alice cautiously replied: `but i know i have to beat time when i learn music.'
`there isn't any,' said the march hare.
`it's really dreadful,' she muttered to herself, `the way all the creatures argue.
i do hope it'll make me grow large again, for really i'm quite tired of being such a tiny little thing!'
`chorus again!' cried the gryphon, and the mock turtle had just begun to repeat it, when a cry of `the trial's beginning!' was heard in the distance.
`we had the best of educations--in fact, we went to school every day--'
`you're enough to try the patience of an oyster!'
`sure, it does, yer honour: but it's an arm for all that.'
for some minutes it puffed away without speaking, but at last it unfolded its arms, took the hookah out of its mouth again, and said, `so you think you're changed, do you?'
`there's no sort of use in knocking,' said the footman, `and that for two reasons.
you see the earth takes twenty-four hours to turn round on its axis--'
`all right, so far,' said the king, and he went on muttering over the verses to himself: `"we know it to be true--" that's the jury, of course-- "i gave her one, they gave him two--" why, that must be what he did with the tarts, you know--'
`and so these three little sisters--they were learning to draw, you know--'
`he denies it,' said the king: `leave out that part.'
the soldiers were silent, and looked at alice, as the question was evidently meant for her.
`did you say pig, or fig?' said the cat.
`i suppose so,' said alice.
the only things in the kitchen that did not sneeze, were the cook, and a large cat which was sitting on the hearth and grinning from ear to ear.
`would you tell me, please, which way i ought to go from here?'
luckily for alice, the little magic bottle had now had its full effect, and she grew no larger: still it was very uncomfortable, and, as there seemed to be no sort of chance of her ever getting out of the room again, no wonder she felt unhappy.
`yes,' said alice, `we learned french and music.'
`they're done with blacking, i believe.'
`you don't know much,' said the duchess; `and that's a fact.'
the rabbit-hole went straight on like a tunnel for some way, and then dipped suddenly down, so suddenly that alice had not a moment to think about stopping herself before she found herself falling down a very deep well.
indeed, she had quite a long argument with the lory, who at last turned sulky, and would only say, `i am older than you, and must know better'; and this alice would not allow without knowing how old it was, and, as the lory positively refused to tell its age, there was no more to be said.
london is the capital of paris, and paris is the capital of rome, and rome--no, that's all wrong, i'm certain!
`i wonder if i shall fall right through the earth!
first came ten soldiers carrying clubs; these were all shaped like the three gardeners, oblong and flat, with their hands and feet at the corners: next the ten courtiers; these were ornamented all over with diamonds, and walked two and two, as the soldiers did.
the queen turned crimson with fury, and, after glaring at her for a moment like a wild beast, screamed `off with her head!
i'm sure _i_ shan't be able!
`that's very curious!' she thought.
`i've read that in some book, but i don't remember where.'
`no,' said alice.
`idiot!' said the queen, tossing her head impatiently; and, turning to alice, she went on, `what's your name, child?'
`as if it wasn't trouble enough hatching the eggs,' said the pigeon; `but i must be on the look-out for serpents night and day!
`now, i give you fair warning,' shouted the queen, stamping on the ground as she spoke; `either you or your head must be off, and that in about half no time!
and the moral of that is--"the more there is of mine, the less there is of yours."'
`why, what are your shoes done with?' said the gryphon.
`i never saw one, or heard of one,' said alice.
`i had not!' cried the mouse, sharply and very angrily.
`i dare say you never even spoke to time!'
`i'm not a serpent!' said alice indignantly.
`would it be of any use, now,' thought alice, `to speak to this mouse?
`stuff and nonsense!' said alice loudly.
digging for apples, yer honour!'
`what are you thinking of?'
`it's no business of mine.'
alice was very glad to find her in such a pleasant temper, and thought to herself that perhaps it was only the pepper that had made her so savage when they met in the kitchen.
`an arm, you goose!
but if i'm not the same, the next question is, who in the world am i?
however, he consented to go on.
those whom she sentenced were taken into custody by the soldiers, who of course had to leave off being arches to do this, so that by the end of half an hour or so there were no arches left, and all the players, except the king, the queen, and alice, were in custody and under sentence of execution.
a caucus-race and a long tale
`she'd soon fetch it back!'
pat!
`i'm very sorry you've been annoyed,' said alice, who was beginning to see its meaning.
`in my youth,' said his father, `i took to the law, and argued each case with my wife; and the muscular strength, which it gave to my jaw, has lasted the rest of my life.'
`he took me for his housemaid,' she said to herself as she ran.
`i couldn't help it,' said five, in a sulky tone; `seven jogged my elbow.'
however, on the second time round, she came upon a low curtain she had not noticed before, and behind it was a little door about fifteen inches high: she tried the little golden key in the lock, and to her great delight it fitted!
`exactly so,' said alice.
`what did they live on?' said alice, who always took a great interest in questions of eating and drinking.
now, if you only kept on good terms with him, he'd do almost anything you liked with the clock.
alice's adventures in wonderland
she generally gave herself very good advice, (though she very seldom followed it), and sometimes she scolded herself so severely as to bring tears into her eyes; and once she remembered trying to box her own ears for having cheated herself in a game of croquet she was playing against herself, for this curious child was very fond of pretending to be two people.
the hatter looked at the march hare, who had followed him into the court, arm-in-arm with the dormouse.
so she set the little creature down, and felt quite relieved to see it trot away quietly into the wood.
`i hope they'll remember her saucer of milk at tea-time.
`if i don't take this child away with me,' thought alice, `they're sure to kill it in a day or two: wouldn't it be murder to leave it behind?'
the king and queen of hearts were seated on their throne when they arrived, with a great crowd assembled about them--all sorts of little birds and beasts, as well as the whole pack of cards: the knave was standing before them, in chains, with a soldier on each side to guard him; and near the king was the white rabbit, with a trumpet in one hand, and a scroll of parchment in the other.
`yes,' said alice doubtfully: `it means--to--make--anything--prettier.'
for instance, suppose it were nine o'clock in the morning, just time to begin lessons: you'd only have to whisper a hint to time, and round goes the clock in a twinkling!
(dinah was the cat.)
`everybody says "come on!" here,' thought alice, as she went slowly after it: `i never was so ordered about in all my life, never!'
`i mean what i say,' the mock turtle replied in an offended tone.
alice looked all round her at the flowers and the blades of grass, but she did not see anything that looked like the right thing to eat or drink under the circumstances.
when the mouse heard this, it turned round and swam slowly back to her: its face was quite pale (with passion, alice thought), and it said in a low trembling voice, `let us get to the shore, and then i'll tell you my history, and you'll understand why it is i hate cats and dogs.'
`it was the best butter,' the march hare meekly replied.
alice was beginning very angrily, but the hatter and the march hare went `sh! sh!' and the dormouse sulkily remarked, `if you can't be civil, you'd better finish the story for yourself.'
the footman seemed to think this a good opportunity for repeating his remark, with variations.
the mock turtle's story
`do you take me for a dunce?
she pitied him deeply.
`it's a pun!' the king added in an offended tone, and everybody laughed, `let the jury consider their verdict,' the king said, for about the twentieth time that day.
please, ma'am, is this new zealand or australia?'
will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join the dance?
would not, could not, would not, could not, could not join the dance.
alice said to herself, as well as she could for sneezing.
`ah, well!
`keep your temper,' said the caterpillar.
tell us all about it!'
hearthrug, near the fender, (with alice's love).
`you can't think how glad i am to see you again, you dear old thing!' said the duchess, as she tucked her arm affectionately into alice's, and they walked off together.
`what can all that green stuff be?' said alice.
so she called softly after it, `mouse dear!
(if you don't know what a gryphon is, look at the picture.)
so they went up to the mock turtle, who looked at them with large eyes full of tears, but said nothing.
`back to land again, and that's all the first figure,' said the mock turtle, suddenly dropping his voice; and the two creatures, who had been jumping about like mad things all this time, sat down again very sadly and quietly, and looked at alice.
`who's making personal remarks now?' the hatter asked triumphantly.
`get to your places!' shouted the queen in a voice of thunder, and people began running about in all directions, tumbling up against each other; however, they got settled down in a minute or two, and the game began.
`i want a clean cup,' interrupted the hatter: `let's all move one place on.'
how brave they'll all think me at home!
`and what are they made of?'
`right, as usual,' said the duchess: `what a clear way you have of putting things!'
alice did not wish to offend the dormouse again, so she began very cautiously: `but i don't understand.
you must have meant some mischief, or else you'd have signed your name like an honest man.'
`would you tell me,' said alice, a little timidly, `why you are painting those roses?'
`sure, it's an arm, yer honour!'
alice did not quite know what to say to this: so she helped herself to some tea and bread-and-butter, and then turned to the dormouse, and repeated her question.
pig!'
`oh, as to the whiting,' said the mock turtle, `they--you've seen them, of course?'
`oh, do let me help to undo it!'
poor alice!
that's all.'
and then a voice she had never heard before, `sure then i'm here!
`we indeed!' cried the mouse, who was trembling down to the end of his tail.
`'tis so,' said the duchess: `and the moral of that is--"oh, 'tis love, 'tis love, that makes the world go round!"'
`why?'
it was opened by another footman in livery, with a round face, and large eyes like a frog; and both footmen, alice noticed, had powdered hair that curled all over their heads.
alice guessed in a moment that it was looking for the fan and the pair of white kid gloves, and she very good-naturedly began hunting about for them, but they were nowhere to be seen--everything seemed to have changed since her swim in the pool, and the great hall, with the glass table and the little door, had vanished completely.
i must go back and see after some executions i have ordered'; and she walked off, leaving alice alone with the gryphon.
`it's all about as curious as it can be,' said the gryphon.
as there seemed to be no chance of getting her hands up to her head, she tried to get her head down to them, and was delighted to find that her neck would bend about easily in any direction, like a serpent.
so she stood still where she was, and waited.
`it must be a very pretty dance,' said alice timidly.
`do you play croquet with the queen to-day?'
the mock turtle sighed deeply, and drew the back of one flapper across his eyes.
alice had been looking over his shoulder with some curiosity.
after a minute or two, they began moving about again, and alice heard the rabbit say, `a barrowful will do, to begin with.'
alice gave a little scream of laughter.
`are you to get in at all?' said the footman.
i only wish people knew that: then they wouldn't be so stingy about it, you know--'
`herald, read the accusation!' said the king.
"i'll be judge, i'll be jury," said cunning old fury: "i'll try the whole cause, and condemn you to death."'
`i'm afraid i don't know one,' said alice, rather alarmed at the proposal.
`shall we try another figure of the lobster quadrille?' the gryphon went on.
alice went on eagerly.
`i call it purring, not growling,' said alice.
`then you shouldn't talk,' said the hatter.
run home this moment, and fetch me a pair of gloves and a fan!
`if i'd been the whiting,' said alice, whose thoughts were still running on the song, `i'd have said to the porpoise, "keep back, please: we don't want you with us!"'
suppress him!
`that is not said right,' said the caterpillar.
`i deny it!' said the march hare.
however, `jury-men' would have done just as well.
and certainly there was a most extraordinary noise going on within--a constant howling and sneezing, and every now and then a great crash, as if a dish or kettle had been broken to pieces.
all this time the queen had never left off staring at the hatter, and, just as the dormouse crossed the court, she said to one of the officers of the court, `bring me the list of the singers in the last concert!' on which the wretched hatter trembled so, that he shook both his shoes off.
`here! you may nurse it a bit, if you like!' the duchess said to alice, flinging the baby at her as she spoke.
`only mustard isn't a bird,' alice remarked.
`and be quick about it,' added the hatter, `or you'll be asleep again before it's done.'
`what a funny watch!' she remarked.
`in that direction,' the cat said, waving its right paw round, `lives a hatter: and in that direction,' waving the other paw, `lives a march hare.
`they all can,' said the duchess; `and most of 'em do.'
`no, please go on!'
"up above the world you fly, like a tea-tray in the sky.
the lobster quadrille
`can't remember what things?' said the caterpillar.
`i should like it very much,' said alice, `but i haven't been invited yet.'
`here!' cried alice, quite forgetting in the flurry of the moment how large she had grown in the last few minutes, and she jumped up in such a hurry that she tipped over the jury-box with the edge of her skirt, upsetting all the jurymen on to the heads of the crowd below, and there they lay sprawling about, reminding her very much of a globe of goldfish she had accidentally upset the week before.
oh, how i wish i could shut up like a telescope!
`nothing whatever,' said alice.
`not i!' he replied.
`i'm a poor man,' the hatter went on, `and most things twinkled after that--only the march hare said--'
down the rabbit-hole
there was a dead silence.
and how odd the directions will look!
`no, i'll look first,' she said, `and see whether it's marked "poison" or not'; for she had read several nice little histories about children who had got burnt, and eaten up by wild beasts and other unpleasant things, all because they would not remember the simple rules their friends had taught them: such as, that a red-hot poker will burn you if you hold it too long; and that if you cut your finger very deeply with a knife, it usually bleeds; and she had never forgotten that, if you drink much from a bottle marked `poison,' it is almost certain to disagree with you, sooner or later.
`well, it must be removed,' said the king very decidedly, and he called the queen, who was passing at the moment, `my dear!
`so you did, old fellow!' said the others.
`it's a mineral, i think,' said alice.
`there's a great deal to come before that!'
which brought them back again to the beginning of the conversation.
`i've something important to say!'
so she was considering in her own mind (as well as she could, for the hot day made her feel very sleepy and stupid), whether the pleasure of making a daisy-chain would be worth the trouble of getting up and picking the daisies, when suddenly a white rabbit with pink eyes ran close by her.
`serpent!' screamed the pigeon.
the dormouse slowly opened his eyes.
and they pinched it on both sides at once.
the hatter's remark seemed to have no sort of meaning in it, and yet it was certainly english.
`why did they live at the bottom of a well?'
`no, i give it up,' alice replied: `what's the answer?'
"--said i could not swim--" you can't swim, can you?' he added, turning to the knave.
i'll try and say "how doth the little--"' and she crossed her hands on her lap as if she were saying lessons, and began to repeat it, but her voice sounded hoarse and strange, and the words did not come the same as they used to do:--
heads below!'
the hatter was the first to break the silence.
`does the boots and shoes!' she repeated in a wondering tone.
however, it was over at last, and they sat down again in a ring, and begged the mouse to tell them something more.
`i don't know of any that do,' alice said very politely, feeling quite pleased to have got into a conversation.
`what else have you got in your pocket?' he went on, turning to alice.
`mary ann!
and oh, my poor hands, how is it i can't see you?'
`not at first, perhaps,' said the hatter: `but you could keep it to half-past one as long as you liked.'
but do cats eat bats, i wonder?'
`ten hours the first day,' said the mock turtle: `nine the next, and so on.'
`she can't explain it,' said the gryphon hastily.
`what is his sorrow?' she asked the gryphon, and the gryphon answered, very nearly in the same words as before, `it's all his fancy, that: he hasn't got no sorrow, you know.
`very much indeed,' said alice.
as a duck with its eyelids, so he with his nose trims his belt and his buttons, and turns out his toes.'
she'll get me executed, as sure as ferrets are ferrets!
`in my youth,' father william replied to his son, `i feared it might injure the brain; but, now that i'm perfectly sure i have none, why, i do it again and again.'
`ah! then yours wasn't a really good school,' said the mock turtle in a tone of great relief.
if they had any sense, they'd take the roof off.'
for the mouse was swimming away from her as hard as it could go, and making quite a commotion in the pool as it went.
`stand up and repeat "'tis the voice of the sluggard,"' said the gryphon.
however, everything is queer to-day.'
alice thought she might as well wait, as she had nothing else to do, and perhaps after all it might tell her something worth hearing.
so alice got up and ran off, thinking while she ran, as well she might, what a wonderful dream it had been.
"there's a porpoise close behind us, and he's treading on my tail.
she was looking about for some way of escape, and wondering whether she could get away without being seen, when she noticed a curious appearance in the air: it puzzled her very much at first, but, after watching it a minute or two, she made it out to be a grin, and she said to herself `it's the cheshire cat: now i shall have somebody to talk to.'
`explain yourself!'
first, she tried to look down and make out what she was coming to, but it was too dark to see anything; then she looked at the sides of the well, and noticed that they were filled with cupboards and book-shelves; here and there she saw maps and pictures hung upon pegs.
`i see!' said the queen, who had meanwhile been examining the roses.
`i believe so,' alice replied thoughtfully.
they are waiting on the shingle--will you come and join the dance?
and the executioner went off like an arrow.
`certainly not!' said alice indignantly.
`nothing,' said alice.
`yes,' said alice, `i've often seen them at dinn--' she checked herself hastily.
`i don't quite understand you,' she said, as politely as she could.
if i or she should chance to be involved in this affair, he trusts to you to set them free, exactly as we were.
sing her "turtle soup," will you, old fellow?'
`i keep them to sell,' the hatter added as an explanation; `i've none of my own.
and yesterday things went on just as usual.
`how could he turn them out with his nose, you know?'
i think i may as well go in at once.'
`oh, you can't help that,' said the cat: `we're all mad here.
on which seven looked up and said, `that's right, five!
`how do you know i'm mad?' said alice.
`you must be,' said the cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'
and yet i wish i could show you our cat dinah: i think you'd take a fancy to cats if you could only see her.
he was looking up into the sky all the time he was speaking, and this alice thought decidedly uncivil.
`what is it?'
`ah! that accounts for it,' said the hatter.
the king's argument was, that anything that had a head could be beheaded, and that you weren't to talk nonsense.
she did not get hold of anything, but she heard a little shriek and a fall, and a crash of broken glass, from which she concluded that it was just possible it had fallen into a cucumber-frame, or something of the sort.
hardly knowing what she did, she picked up a little bit of stick, and held it out to the puppy; whereupon the puppy jumped into the air off all its feet at once, with a yelp of delight, and rushed at the stick, and made believe to worry it; then alice dodged behind a great thistle, to keep herself from being run over; and the moment she appeared on the other side, the puppy made another rush at the stick, and tumbled head over heels in its hurry to get hold of it; then alice, thinking it was very like having a game of play with a cart-horse, and expecting every moment to be trampled under its feet, ran round the thistle again; then the puppy began a series of short charges at the stick, running a very little way forwards each time and a long way back, and barking hoarsely all the while, till at last it sat down a good way off, panting, with its tongue hanging out of its mouth, and its great eyes half shut.
`hush!
`--you advance twice--'
only i don't think,' alice went on, `that they'd let dinah stop in the house if it began ordering people about like that!'
`but they were in the well,' alice said to the dormouse, not choosing to notice this last remark.
and she went on planning to herself how she would manage it.
chapter xi
`of course twinkling begins with a t!' said the king sharply.
alice heard it say to itself `then i'll go round and get in at the window.'
where can i have dropped them, i wonder?'
the further off from england the nearer is to france-- then turn not pale, beloved snail, but come and join the dance.
`cheshire puss,' she began, rather timidly, as she did not at all know whether it would like the name: however, it only grinned a little wider.
so she went in search of her hedgehog.
there was a large mushroom growing near her, about the same height as herself; and when she had looked under it, and on both sides of it, and behind it, it occurred to her that she might as well look and see what was on the top of it.
twinkle, twinkle--"'
she had quite forgotten the duchess by this time, and was a little startled when she heard her voice close to her ear.
`you might just as well say,' added the march hare, `that "i like what i get" is the same thing as "i get what i like"!'
`come on, then!' roared the queen, and alice joined the procession, wondering very much what would happen next.
so she began nibbling at the righthand bit again, and did not venture to go near the house till she had brought herself down to nine inches high.
`yes, i think you'd better leave off,' said the gryphon: and alice was only too glad to do so.
`one side of what?
it doesn't look like one, but it is.'
alice had never been in a court of justice before, but she had read about them in books, and she was quite pleased to find that she knew the name of nearly everything there.
you're mad.'
so she sat on, with closed eyes, and half believed herself in wonderland, though she knew she had but to open them again, and all would change to dull reality--the grass would be only rustling in the wind, and the pool rippling to the waving of the reeds--the rattling teacups would change to tinkling sheepbells, and the queen's shrill cries to the voice of the shepherd boy--and the sneeze of the baby, the shriek of the gryphon, and all thy other queer noises, would change (she knew) to the confused clamour of the busy farm-yard--while the lowing of the cattle in the distance would take the place of the mock turtle's heavy sobs.
alice was thoroughly puzzled.
`oh, i'm not particular as to size,' alice hastily replied; `only one doesn't like changing so often, you know.'
there was a table set out under a tree in front of the house, and the march hare and the hatter were having tea at it: a dormouse was sitting between them, fast asleep, and the other two were using it as a cushion, resting their elbows on it, and talking over its head.
the knave did so, very carefully, with one foot.
`in that case,' said the dodo solemnly, rising to its feet, `i move that the meeting adjourn, for the immediate adoption of more energetic remedies--'
there's no pleasing them!'
the queen had only one way of settling all difficulties, great or small.
alice said nothing: she had never been so much contradicted in her life before, and she felt that she was losing her temper.
the queen smiled and passed on.
`a cat may look at a king,' said alice.
`i have tasted eggs, certainly,' said alice, who was a very truthful child; `but little girls eat eggs quite as much as serpents do, you know.'
i suppose you'll be telling me next that you never tasted an egg!'
and she squeezed herself up closer to alice's side as she spoke.
`treacle,' said a sleepy voice behind her.
beau--ootiful soo--oop!
who would not give all else for two p ennyworth only of beautiful soup?
`curiouser and curiouser!' cried alice (she was so much surprised, that for the moment she quite forgot how to speak good english); `now i'm opening out like the largest telescope that ever was!
`call the next witness!' said the king.
`we called him tortoise because he taught us,' said the mock turtle angrily: `really you are very dull!'
`i don't think they play at all fairly,' alice began, in rather a complaining tone, `and they all quarrel so dreadfully one can't hear oneself speak--and they don't seem to have any rules in particular; at least, if there are, nobody attends to them--and you've no idea how confusing it is all the things being alive; for instance, there's the arch i've got to go through next walking about at the other end of the ground--and i should have croqueted the queen's hedgehog just now, only it ran away when it saw mine coming!'
`if you didn't sign it,' said the king, `that only makes the matter worse.
as she said this, she came suddenly upon an open place, with a little house in it about four feet high.
`write that down,' the king said to the jury, and the jury eagerly wrote down all three dates on their slates, and then added them up, and reduced the answer to shillings and pence.
`it began with the tea,' the hatter replied.
which shall sing?'
she felt very curious to know what it was all about, and crept a little way out of the wood to listen.
`i heard the queen say only yesterday you deserved to be beheaded!'
the cat seemed to think that there was enough of it now in sight, and no more of it appeared.
`how can you learn lessons in here?
i never knew so much about a whiting before.'
however, she got up, and began to repeat it, but her head was so full of the lobster quadrille, that she hardly knew what she was saying, and the words came very queer indeed:--
`of course they were', said the dormouse; `--well in.'
`give your evidence,' the king repeated angrily, `or i'll have you executed, whether you're nervous or not.'
`oh, there's no use in talking to him,' said alice desperately: `he's perfectly idiotic!'
`i beg pardon, your majesty,' he began, `for bringing these in: but i hadn't quite finished my tea when i was sent for.'
i'm mad.
you do it!--that i won't, then!--bill's to go down--here, bill! the master says you're to go down the chimney!'
`really, now you ask me,' said alice, very much confused, `i don't think--'
`well, then,' the cat went on, `you see, a dog growls when it's angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased.
why, there's hardly enough of me left to make one respectable person!'
`we can do without lobsters, you know.
alice glanced rather anxiously at the cook, to see if she meant to take the hint; but the cook was busily stirring the soup, and seemed not to be listening, so she went on again: `twenty-four hours, i think; or is it twelve?
`but what am i to do?' said alice.
`but about his toes?' the mock turtle persisted.
`it's the stupidest tea-party i ever was at in all my life!'
and he added in an undertone to the queen, `really, my dear, you must cross-examine the next witness.
`what day of the month is it?' he said, turning to alice: he had taken his watch out of his pocket, and was looking at it uneasily, shaking it every now and then, and holding it to his ear.
the first question of course was, how to get dry again: they had a consultation about this, and after a few minutes it seemed quite natural to alice to find herself talking familiarly with them, as if she had known them all her life.
`i've been to a day-school, too,' said alice; `you needn't be so proud as all that.'
alice could see, as well as if she were looking over their shoulders, that all the jurors were writing down `stupid things!' on their slates, and she could even make out that one of them didn't know how to spell `stupid,' and that he had to ask his neighbour to tell him.
and it'll fetch things when you throw them, and it'll sit up and beg for its dinner, and all sorts of things--i can't remember half of them--and it belongs to a farmer, you know, and he says it's so useful, it's worth a hundred pounds!
`fifteenth,' said the march hare.
`what sort of a dance is it?'
you know the song, perhaps?'
oh dear!
the march hare took the watch and looked at it gloomily: then he dipped it into his cup of tea, and looked at it again: but he could think of nothing better to say than his first remark, `it was the best butter, you know.'
`don't talk nonsense,' said alice more boldly: `you know you're growing too.'
`go on with the next verse,' the gryphon repeated impatiently: `it begins "i passed by his garden."'
come on!'
`it's no use speaking to it,' she thought, `till its ears have come, or at least one of them.'
then they both bowed low, and their curls got entangled together.
this of course, alice could not stand, and she went round the court and got behind him, and very soon found an opportunity of taking it away.
`stupid things!'
however, at last she stretched her arms round it as far as they would go, and broke off a bit of the edge with each hand.
alice caught the baby with some difficulty, as it was a queershaped little creature, and held out its arms and legs in all directions, `just like a star-fish,' thought alice.
i think i could, if i only know how to begin.'
`it does the boots and shoes.' the gryphon replied very solemnly.
`how cheerfully he seems to grin, how neatly spread his claws, and welcome little fishes in with gently smiling jaws!'
`you might just as well say,' added the dormouse, who seemed to be talking in his sleep, `that "i breathe when i sleep" is the same thing as "i sleep when i breathe"!'
when the pie was all finished, the owl, as a boon, was kindly permitted to pocket the spoon: while the panther received knife and fork with a growl, and concluded the banquet--]
but i'd better take him his fan and gloves--that is, if i can find them.'
`but perhaps it was only sobbing,' she thought, and looked into its eyes again, to see if there were any tears.
while she was looking at the place where it had been, it suddenly appeared again.
`wake up, dormouse!'
`it goes on, you know,' the hatter continued, `in this way:--
`i don't see any wine,' she remarked.
chapter iii
the table was a large one, but the three were all crowded together at one corner of it: `no room!
`it was much pleasanter at home,' thought poor alice, `when one wasn't always growing larger and smaller, and being ordered about by mice and rabbits.
and she began thinking over other children she knew, who might do very well as pigs, and was just saying to herself, `if one only knew the right way to change them--' when she was a little startled by seeing the cheshire cat sitting on a bough of a tree a few yards off.
alice opened the door and found that it led into a small passage, not much larger than a rat-hole: she knelt down and looked along the passage into the loveliest garden you ever saw.
`who cares for you?' said alice, (she had grown to her full size by this time.)
how she longed to get out of that dark hall, and wander about among those beds of bright flowers and those cool fountains, but she could not even get her head though the doorway; `and even if my head would go through,' thought poor alice, `it would be of very little use without my shoulders.
the great question certainly was, what?
this was quite a new idea to alice, and she thought it over a little before she made her next remark.
`"what matters it how far we go?" his scaly friend replied.
`of course you don't!' the hatter said, tossing his head contemptuously.
alice waited till the eyes appeared, and then nodded.
`go on with the next verse.'
i almost wish i hadn't gone down that rabbit-hole--and yet--and yet--it's rather curious, you know, this sort of life!
`fetch me my gloves this moment!'
"william the conqueror, whose cause was favoured by the pope, was soon submitted to by the english, who wanted leaders, and had been of late much accustomed to usurpation and conquest.
`i haven't the least idea what you're talking about,' said alice.
`why not?' said the march hare.
shall i try the experiment?'
the king looked anxiously at the white rabbit, who said in a low voice, `your majesty must cross-examine this witness.'
there was nothing else to do, so alice soon began talking again.
`when i'm a duchess,' she said to herself, (not in a very hopeful tone though), `i won't have any pepper in my kitchen at all.
`well!' thought alice to herself, `after such a fall as this, i shall think nothing of tumbling down stairs!
so they sat down, and nobody spoke for some minutes.
`i wonder what they'll do next!
`please your majesty,' said the knave, `i didn't write it, and they can't prove i did: there's no name signed at the end.'
he was an old crab, he was.'
it was as much as she could do, lying down on one side, to look through into the garden with one eye; but to get through was more hopeless than ever: she sat down and began to cry again.
`i think you might do something better with the time,' she said, `than waste it in asking riddles that have no answers.'
in another moment down went alice after it, never once considering how in the world she was to get out again.
`not the same thing a bit!' said the hatter.
he sent them word i had not gone (we know it to be true): if she should push the matter on, what would become of you?
`she's in prison,' the queen said to the executioner: `fetch her here.'
`tell us a story!' said the march hare.
so they began solemnly dancing round and round alice, every now and then treading on her toes when they passed too close, and waving their forepaws to mark the time, while the mock turtle sang this, very slowly and sadly:--
`i wish you wouldn't squeeze so.' said the dormouse, who was sitting next to her.
dinah my dear!
`don't grunt,' said alice; `that's not at all a proper way of expressing yourself.'
`who are you?'
but i've got to see that the mouse doesn't get out."
last came a little feeble, squeaking voice, (`that's bill,' thought alice,) `well, i hardly know--no more, thank ye; i'm better now--but i'm a deal too flustered to tell you--all i know is, something comes at me like a jack-in-the-box, and up i goes like a sky-rocket!'
all persons more than a mile high to leave the court.'
alice began in a loud, indignant voice, but she stopped hastily, for the white rabbit cried out, `silence in the court!' and the king put on his spectacles and looked anxiously round, to make out who was talking.
`--change lobsters, and retire in same order,' continued the gryphon.
oh, my dear dinah!
(for, with all her knowledge of history, alice had no very clear notion how long ago anything had happened.)
`then you may sit down,' the king replied.
see how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all advance!
`i shall sit here,' he said, `on and off, for days and days.'
`thinking again?' the duchess asked, with another dig of her sharp little chin.
`then the words don't fit you,' said the king, looking round the court with a smile.
it sounded an excellent plan, no doubt, and very neatly and simply arranged; the only difficulty was, that she had not the smallest idea how to set about it; and while she was peering about anxiously among the trees, a little sharp bark just over her head made her look up in a great hurry.
`i've forgotten the words.'
they were indeed a queer-looking party that assembled on the bank--the birds with draggled feathers, the animals with their fur clinging close to them, and all dripping wet, cross, and uncomfortable.
as they walked off together, alice heard the king say in a low voice, to the company generally, `you are all pardoned.'
alice folded her hands, and began:--
`change lobster's again!' yelled the gryphon at the top of its voice.
`you!' said the caterpillar contemptuously.
in a little while, however, she again heard a little pattering of footsteps in the distance, and she looked up eagerly, half hoping that the mouse had changed his mind, and was coming back to finish his story.
`it isn't directed at all,' said the white rabbit; `in fact, there's nothing written on the outside.'
pinch him!
the first witness was the hatter.
alice did not quite like the look of the creature, but on the whole she thought it would be quite as safe to stay with it as to go after that savage queen: so she waited.
alice thought she had never seen such a curious croquet-ground in her life; it was all ridges and furrows; the balls were live hedgehogs, the mallets live flamingoes, and the soldiers had to double themselves up and to stand on their hands and feet, to make the arches.
`i'm afraid i am, sir,' said alice; `i can't remember things as i used--and i don't keep the same size for ten minutes together!'
alice could think of nothing else to say but `it belongs to the duchess: you'd better ask her about it.'
`can you play croquet?'
she was a little nervous about it just at first, the two creatures got so close to her, one on each side, and opened their eyes and mouths so very wide, but she gained courage as she went on.
this question the dodo could not answer without a great deal of thought, and it sat for a long time with one finger pressed upon its forehead (the position in which you usually see shakespeare, in the pictures of him), while the rest waited in silence.
`have some wine,' the march hare said in an encouraging tone.
`--or next day, maybe,' the footman continued in the same tone, exactly as if nothing had happened.
i've often seen a cat without a grin,' thought alice; `but a grin without a cat!
`come back!' the caterpillar called after her.
the hatter opened his eyes very wide on hearing this; but all he said was, `why is a raven like a writing-desk?'
soup does very well without--maybe it's always pepper that makes people hot-tempered,' she went on, very much pleased at having found out a new kind of rule, `and vinegar that makes them sour--and camomile that makes them bitter--and--and barley-sugar and such things that make children sweet-tempered.
next came the guests, mostly kings and queens, and among them alice recognised the white rabbit: it was talking in a hurried nervous manner, smiling at everything that was said, and went by without noticing her.
`that i can't remember,' said the hatter.
some of the jury wrote it down `important,' and some `unimportant.'
alice did not feel encouraged to ask any more questions about it, so she turned to the mock turtle, and said `what else had you to learn?'
`suppose we change the subject,' the march hare interrupted, yawning.
`what a curious plan!' exclaimed alice.
alice replied in a very melancholy voice.
`that's nothing to what i could say if i chose,' the duchess replied, in a pleased tone.
(the jury all looked puzzled.)
`call it what you like,' said the cat.
an enormous puppy was looking down at her with large round eyes, and feebly stretching out one paw, trying to touch her.
come here directly, and get ready for your walk!"
but she went on all the same, shedding gallons of tears, until there was a large pool all round her, about four inches deep and reaching half down the hall.
when the procession came opposite to alice, they all stopped and looked at her, and the queen said severely `who is this?'
`that's different from what i used to say when i was a child,' said the gryphon.
she is such a dear quiet thing,' alice went on, half to herself, as she swam lazily about in the pool, `and she sits purring so nicely by the fire, licking her paws and washing her face--and she is such a nice soft thing to nurse--and she's such a capital one for catching mice--oh, i beg your pardon!' cried alice again, for this time the mouse was bristling all over, and she felt certain it must be really offended.
he looked at the gryphon as if he thought it had some kind of authority over alice.
`that's the first question, you know.'
some of the birds hurried off at once: one old magpie began wrapping itself up very carefully, remarking, `i really must be getting home; the night-air doesn't suit my throat!' and a canary called out in a trembling voice to its children, `come away, my dears!
i'm never sure what i'm going to be, from one minute to another!
alice sighed wearily.
i almost wish i'd gone to see the hatter instead!'
it was so long since she had been anything near the right size, that it felt quite strange at first; but she got used to it in a few minutes, and began talking to herself, as usual.
alice panted as she ran; but the gryphon only answered `come on!' and ran the faster, while more and more faintly came, carried on the breeze that followed them, the melancholy words:--
alice remained looking thoughtfully at the mushroom for a minute, trying to make out which were the two sides of it; and as it was perfectly round, she found this a very difficult question.
`i never said i didn't!' interrupted alice.
`i'll put a stop to this,' she said to herself, and shouted out, `you'd better not do that again!' which produced another dead silence.
`--so long as i get somewhere,' alice added as an explanation.
(a loud crash)--`now, who did that?--it was bill, i fancy--who's to go down the chimney?--nay, i shan't!
for some minutes the whole court was in confusion, getting the dormouse turned out, and, by the time they had settled down again, the cook had disappeared.
`a fine day, your majesty!' the duchess began in a low, weak voice.
`what is the use of repeating all that stuff,' the mock turtle interrupted, `if you don't explain it as you go on?
the question is, what did the archbishop find?'
`that's right!' shouted the queen.
`do i look like it?' he said.
no, there were no tears.
`then it wasn't very civil of you to offer it,' said alice angrily.
`well, if i must, i must,' the king said, with a melancholy air, and, after folding his arms and frowning at the cook till his eyes were nearly out of sight, he said in a deep voice, `what are tarts made of?'
`i never heard of "uglification,"' alice ventured to say.
alice was not a bit hurt, and she jumped up on to her feet in a moment: she looked up, but it was all dark overhead; before her was another long passage, and the white rabbit was still in sight, hurrying down it.
`it wasn't very civil of you to sit down without being invited,' said the march hare.
alice's right foot, esq.
`you're thinking about something, my dear, and that makes you forget to talk.
`you are not attending!' said the mouse to alice severely.
there ought to be a book written about me, that there ought!
they're dreadfully fond of beheading people here; the great wonder is, that there's any one left alive!'
`it matters a good deal to me,' said alice hastily; `but i'm not looking for eggs, as it happens; and if i was, i shouldn't want yours: i don't like them raw.'
she was close behind it when she turned the corner, but the rabbit was no longer to be seen: she found herself in a long, low hall, which was lit up by a row of lamps hanging from the roof.
it quite makes my forehead ache!'
`your hair wants cutting,' said the hatter.
`to begin with,' said the cat, `a dog's not mad.
`well!
`yes, but i grow at a reasonable pace,' said the dormouse: `not in that ridiculous fashion.'
so they got thrown out to sea.
i wish you were down here with me!
"coming in a minute, nurse!
`i haven't the slightest idea,' said the hatter.
and she began fancying the sort of thing that would happen: `"miss alice!
alice crouched down among the trees as well as she could, for her neck kept getting entangled among the branches, and every now and then she had to stop and untwist it.
pig and pepper
`i do,' alice hastily replied; `at least--at least i mean what i say--that's the same thing, you know.'
and he got up very sulkily and crossed over to the other side of the court.
she ate a little bit, and said anxiously to herself, `which way?
`give your evidence,' said the king.
alice said; but was dreadfully puzzled by the whole thing, and longed to change the subject.
it was the white rabbit returning, splendidly dressed, with a pair of white kid gloves in one hand and a large fan in the other: he came trotting along in a great hurry, muttering to himself as he came, `oh! the duchess, the duchess!
`once upon a time there were three little sisters,' the dormouse began in a great hurry; `and their names were elsie, lacie, and tillie; and they lived at the bottom of a well--'
alice asked in a tone of great curiosity.
and with that she began nursing her child again, singing a sort of lullaby to it as she did so, and giving it a violent shake at the end of every line:
`unimportant, of course, i meant,' the king hastily said, and went on to himself in an undertone, `important--unimportant-- unimportant--important--' as if he were trying which word sounded best.
`the dormouse is asleep again,' said the hatter, and he poured a little hot tea upon its nose.
oh, i shouldn't like that!'
i'm sure i don't want to stay in here any longer!'
i wonder what i should be like then?'
but the snail replied "too far, too far!" and gave a look askance-- said he thanked the whiting kindly, but he would not join the dance.
however, she soon made out that she was in the pool of tears which she had wept when she was nine feet high.
why, she'll eat a little bird as soon as look at it!'
alice considered a little, and then said `the fourth.'
`get up!' said the queen, in a shrill, loud voice, and the three gardeners instantly jumped up, and began bowing to the king, the queen, the royal children, and everybody else.
`of course,' the dodo replied very gravely.
however, she did not like to be rude, so she bore it as well as she could.
`by-the-bye, what became of the baby?' said the cat.
`you ought to have finished,' said the king.
`you'll see me there,' said the cat, and vanished.
`who are you talking to?' said the king, going up to alice, and looking at the cat's head with great curiosity.
`if any one of them can explain it,' said alice, (she had grown so large in the last few minutes that she wasn't a bit afraid of interrupting him,) `i'll give him sixpence. _i_ don't believe there's an atom of meaning in it.'
will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the dance?
alice looked down at them, and considered a little before she gave her answer.
it was high time to go, for the pool was getting quite crowded with the birds and animals that had fallen into it: there were a duck and a dodo, a lory and an eaglet, and several other curious creatures.
i'll try if i know all the things i used to know.
`do as i tell you, you coward!' and at last she spread out her hand again, and made another snatch in the air.
`but who is to give the prizes?' quite a chorus of voices asked.
five and seven said nothing, but looked at two.
`oh, i beg your pardon!' she exclaimed in a tone of great dismay, and began picking them up again as quickly as she could, for the accident of the goldfish kept running in her head, and she had a vague sort of idea that they must be collected at once and put back into the jury-box, or they would die.
for, you see, so many out-of-the-way things had happened lately, that alice had begun to think that very few things indeed were really impossible.
`their heads are gone, if it please your majesty!' the soldiers shouted in reply.
`they lived on treacle,' said the dormouse, after thinking a minute or two.
`oh, i beg your pardon!' cried alice hastily, afraid that she had hurt the poor animal's feelings.
be off, or i'll kick you down stairs!'
`i must be growing small again.'
`when did you begin?'
the three soldiers wandered about for a minute or two, looking for them, and then quietly marched off after the others.
the rabbit sends in a little bill
`exactly so,' said the hatter: `as the things get used up.'
alice was very nearly getting up and saying, `thank you, sir, for your interesting story,' but she could not help thinking there must be more to come, so she sat still and said nothing.
how queer everything is to-day!
`you can draw water out of a water-well,' said the hatter; `so i should think you could draw treacle out of a treacle-well--eh, stupid?'
`ahem!' said the mouse with an important air, `are you all ready?
"you can really have no notion how delightful it will be when they take us up and throw us, with the lobsters, out to sea!"
will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join the dance?"'
`i wasn't asleep,' he said in a hoarse, feeble voice: `i heard every word you fellows were saying.'
`very true,' said the duchess: `flamingoes and mustard both bite.
i'll soon make you dry enough!'
off with his whiskers!'
`it turned into a pig,' alice quietly said, just as if it had come back in a natural way.
this sounded promising, certainly: alice turned and came back again.
`it tells the day of the month, and doesn't tell what o'clock it is!'
alice thought to herself.
down, down, down.
`you mean you can't take less,' said the hatter: `it's very easy to take more than nothing.'
`come on, then,' said the queen, `and he shall tell you his history,'
the mouse only growled in reply.
seven flung down his brush, and had just begun `well, of all the unjust things--' when his eye chanced to fall upon alice, as she stood watching them, and he checked himself suddenly: the others looked round also, and all of them bowed low.
after a while, finding that nothing more happened, she decided on going into the garden at once; but, alas for poor alice! when she got to the door, she found she had forgotten the little golden key, and when she went back to the table for it, she found she could not possibly reach it: she could see it quite plainly through the glass, and she tried her best to climb up one of the legs of the table, but it was too slippery; and when she had tired herself out with trying, the poor little thing sat down and cried.
they all sat down at once, in a large ring, with the mouse in the middle.
and she tried to fancy what the flame of a candle is like after the candle is blown out, for she could not remember ever having seen such a thing.
and so she went on, taking first one side and then the other, and making quite a conversation of it altogether; but after a few minutes she heard a voice outside, and stopped to listen.
`that depends a good deal on where you want to get to,' said the cat.
they had a large canvas bag, which tied up at the mouth with strings: into this they slipped the guinea-pig, head first, and then sat upon it.)
no room!' they cried out when they saw alice coming.
`you'll get used to it in time,' said the caterpillar; and it put the hookah into its mouth and began smoking again.
`with extras?' asked the mock turtle a little anxiously.
i can't tell you just now what the moral of that is, but i shall remember it in a bit.'
`you are,' said the king.
the adventures first,' said the gryphon in an impatient tone: `explanations take such a dreadful time.'
`then it doesn't matter which way you go,' said the cat.
`tut, tut, child!' said the duchess.
in a minute or two the caterpillar took the hookah out of its mouth and yawned once or twice, and shook itself.
`consider your verdict,' the king said to the jury.
the caterpillar was the first to speak.
`i thought you did,' said the mouse.
`that proves his guilt,' said the queen.
`i'm glad they've begun asking riddles.--i believe i can guess that,' she added aloud.
`i don't even know what a mock turtle is.'
`well, i never heard it before,' said the mock turtle; `but it sounds uncommon nonsense.'
`i know something interesting is sure to happen,' she said to herself, `whenever i eat or drink anything; so i'll just see what this bottle does.
at last the dodo said, `everybody has won, and all must have prizes.'
chapter viii
`so he did, so he did,' said the gryphon, sighing in his turn; and both creatures hid their faces in their paws.
`a nice muddle their slates'll be in before the trial's over!' thought alice.
the duchess!
`do you know why it's called a whiting?'
`they have their tails in their mouths--and they're all over crumbs.'
she was moving them about as she spoke, but no result seemed to follow, except a little shaking among the distant green leaves.
oh! won't she be savage if i've kept her waiting!'
take your choice!'
`why did you call him tortoise, if he wasn't one?'
no, i've made up my mind about it; if i'm mabel, i'll stay down here!
he says it kills all the rats and--oh dear!' cried alice in a sorrowful tone, `i'm afraid i've offended it again!'
she hastily put down the bottle, saying to herself `that's quite enough--i hope i shan't grow any more--as it is, i can't get out at the door--i do wish i hadn't drunk quite so much!'
`ugh!' said the lory, with a shiver.
why, there's hardly room for you, and no room at all for any lesson-books!'
however, when they had been running half an hour or so, and were quite dry again, the dodo suddenly called out `the race is over!' and they all crowded round it, panting, and asking, `but who has won?'
`i thought it would,' said the cat, and vanished again.
`digging for apples, indeed!' said the rabbit angrily.
`hand it over here,' said the dodo.
no accounting for tastes!
by this time she had found her way into a tidy little room with a table in the window, and on it (as she had hoped) a fan and two or three pairs of tiny white kid gloves: she took up the fan and a pair of the gloves, and was just going to leave the room, when her eye fell upon a little bottle that stood near the lookingglass.
in another minute the whole head appeared, and then alice put down her flamingo, and began an account of the game, feeling very glad she had someone to listen to her.
`does your watch tell you what year it is?'
and she's such a capital one for catching mice you can't think!
visit either you like: they're both mad.'
`very uncomfortable for the dormouse,' thought alice; `only, as it's asleep, i suppose it doesn't mind.'
then followed the knave of hearts, carrying the king's crown on a crimson velvet cushion; and, last of all this grand procession, came the king and queen of hearts.
i wouldn't be in bill's place for a good deal: this fireplace is narrow, to be sure; but i think i can kick a little!'
this answer so confused poor alice, that she let the dormouse go on for some time without interrupting it.
alice thought she might as well go back, and see how the game was going on, as she heard the queen's voice in the distance, screaming with passion.
`why should it?' muttered the hatter.
she said this last word two or three times over to herself, being rather proud of it: for she thought, and rightly too, that very few little girls of her age knew the meaning of it at all.
as soon as she had made out the proper way of nursing it, (which was to twist it up into a sort of knot, and then keep tight hold of its right ear and left foot, so as to prevent its undoing itself,) she carried it out into the open air.
`what trial is it?'
it'll be no use their putting their heads down and saying "come up again, dear!"
i'm a hatter.'
the cat's head began fading away the moment he was gone, and, by the time he had come back with the dutchess, it had entirely disappeared; so the king and the executioner ran wildly up and down looking for it, while the rest of the party went back to the game.
`i wish i hadn't cried so much!' said alice, as she swam about, trying to find her way out.
`well, i've tried to say "how doth the little busy bee," but it all came different!'
`whoever lives there,' thought alice, `it'll never do to come upon them this size: why, i should frighten them out of their wits!'
`i wonder how many miles i've fallen by this time?' she said aloud.
`it isn't,' said the caterpillar.
`it's the first position in dancing.'
the twelve jurors were all writing very busily on slates.
`and what an ignorant little girl she'll think me for asking!
`what did they draw?' said alice, quite forgetting her promise.
`beautiful soup!
the queen's argument was, that if something wasn't done about it in less than no time she'd have everybody executed, all round.
`one, indeed!' said the dormouse indignantly.
`i don't know,' said the caterpillar.
the cook threw a frying-pan after her as she went out, but it just missed her.
`i mean, what makes them so shiny?'
`it's--it's a very fine day!' said a timid voice at her side.
`i'd rather finish my tea,' said the hatter, with an anxious look at the queen, who was reading the list of singers.
do come back again, and we won't talk about cats or dogs either, if you don't like them!'
`no, they're not,' said the white rabbit, `and that's the queerest thing about it.'
presently she began again.
`well, i can't show it you myself,' the mock turtle said: `i'm too stiff.
`not yet, not yet!' the rabbit hastily interrupted.
`nonsense!' said alice, very loudly and decidedly, and the queen was silent.
which way?', holding her hand on the top of her head to feel which way it was growing, and she was quite surprised to find that she remained the same size: to be sure, this generally happens when one eats cake, but alice had got so much into the way of expecting nothing but out-of-the-way things to happen, that it seemed quite dull and stupid for life to go on in the common way.
alice laughed so much at this, that she had to run back into the wood for fear of their hearing her; and when she next peeped out the fish-footman was gone, and the other was sitting on the ground near the door, staring stupidly up into the sky.
`he won't stand beating.
`you're nothing but a pack of cards!'
come and help me out of this!'
`nothing can be clearer than that.
`let me alone!'
and the gryphon added `come, let's hear some of your adventures.'
(alice had no idea what latitude was, or longitude either, but thought they were nice grand words to say.)
ah, that's the great puzzle!'
`there's certainly too much pepper in that soup!'
`oh, i've had such a curious dream!' said alice, and she told her sister, as well as she could remember them, all these strange adventures of hers that you have just been reading about; and when she had finished, her sister kissed her, and said, `it was a curious dream, dear, certainly: but now run in to your tea; it's getting late.'
this seemed to alice a good opportunity for making her escape; so she set off at once, and ran till she was quite tired and out of breath, and till the puppy's bark sounded quite faint in the distance.
and then, turning to the rose-tree, she went on, `what have you been doing here?'
they were just beginning to write this down on their slates, when the white rabbit interrupted: `unimportant, your majesty means, of course,' he said in a very respectful tone, but frowning and making faces at him as he spoke.
`but i'm not used to it!' pleaded poor alice in a piteous tone.
`and now which is which?' she said to herself, and nibbled a little of the right-hand bit to try the effect: the next moment she felt a violent blow underneath her chin: it had struck her foot!
`shan't,' said the cook.
then again--"before she had this fit--" you never had fits, my dear, i think?' he said to the queen.
this is the driest thing i know.
`are you--are you fond--of--of dogs?'
`the reason is,' said the gryphon, `that they would go with the lobsters to the dance.
alice asked.
`i didn't!' the march hare interrupted in a great hurry.
pennyworth only of beautiful soup?
i wonder if i've been changed in the night?
and oh, i wish you could see her after the birds!
`what sort of people live about here?'
`and just as i'd taken the highest tree in the wood,' continued the pigeon, raising its voice to a shriek, `and just as i was thinking i should be free of them at last, they must needs come wriggling down from the sky!
however, this bottle was not marked `poison,' so alice ventured to taste it, and finding it very nice, (it had, in fact, a sort of mixed flavour of cherry-tart, custard, pine-apple, roast turkey, toffee, and hot buttered toast,) she very soon finished it off.
alice said nothing; she had sat down with her face in her hands, wondering if anything would ever happen in a natural way again.
chorus.
`what a curious feeling!' said alice; `i must be shutting up like a telescope.'
at last the gryphon said to the mock turtle, `drive on, old fellow!
(which he certainly did not, being made entirely of cardboard.)
`no, i didn't,' said alice: `i don't think it's at all a pity.
alice tried to fancy to herself what such an extraordinary ways of living would be like, but it puzzled her too much, so she went on: `but why did they live at the bottom of a well?'
`you make me giddy.'
i suppose dinah'll be sending me on messages next!'
`if you're going to turn into a pig, my dear,' said alice, seriously, `i'll have nothing more to do with you.
the players all played at once without waiting for turns, quarrelling all the while, and fighting for the hedgehogs; and in a very short time the queen was in a furious passion, and went stamping about, and shouting `off with his head!' or `off with her head!' about once in a minute.
`it's the thing mock turtle soup is made from,' said the queen.
alice did not much like keeping so close to her: first, because the duchess was very ugly; and secondly, because she was exactly the right height to rest her chin upon alice's shoulder, and it was an uncomfortably sharp chin.
`and ever since that,' the hatter went on in a mournful tone, `he won't do a thing i ask!
by the time she had caught the flamingo and brought it back, the fight was over, and both the hedgehogs were out of sight: `but it doesn't matter much,' thought alice, `as all the arches are gone from this side of the ground.'
and here alice began to get rather sleepy, and went on saying to herself, in a dreamy sort of way, `do cats eat bats?
`there's more evidence to come yet, please your majesty,' said the white rabbit, jumping up in a great hurry; `this paper has just been picked up.'
`what do you mean by that?' said the caterpillar sternly.
`well!
`as if i would talk on such a subject!
`of course not,' said the mock turtle: `why, if a fish came to me, and told me he was going a journey, i should say "with what porpoise?"'
and in she went.
`is that the way you manage?'
`well, i'd hardly finished the first verse,' said the hatter, `when the queen jumped up and bawled out, "he's murdering the time!
he looked anxiously over his shoulder as he spoke, and then raised himself upon tiptoe, put his mouth close to her ear, and whispered `she's under sentence of execution.'
`i have answered three questions, and that is enough,' said his father; `don't give yourself airs!
she did it so quickly that the poor little juror (it was bill, the lizard) could not make out at all what had become of it; so, after hunting all about for it, he was obliged to write with one finger for the rest of the day; and this was of very little use, as it left no mark on the slate.
`of course,' the mock turtle said: `advance twice, set to partners--'
i shall never get to twenty at that rate!
as she said this, she came upon a neat little house, on the door of which was a bright brass plate with the name `w. rabbit' engraved upon it.
don't let me hear the name again!'
`mine is a long and a sad tale!' said the mouse, turning to alice, and sighing.
`that's the reason they're called lessons,' the gryphon remarked: `because they lessen from day to day.'
quick, now!'
here the queen put on her spectacles, and began staring at the hatter, who turned pale and fidgeted.
as soon as she was small enough to get through the door, she ran out of the house, and found quite a crowd of little animals and birds waiting outside.
`they can't have anything to put down yet, before the trial's begun.'
`of the mushroom,' said the caterpillar, just as if she had asked it aloud; and in another moment it was out of sight.
`but everything's curious today.
the king laid his hand upon her arm, and timidly said `consider, my dear: she is only a child!'
`you insult me by talking such nonsense!'
the dormouse again took a minute or two to think about it, and then said, `it was a treacle-well.'
alice thought to herself, `i don't see how he can even finish, if he doesn't begin.'
`do you mean that you think you can find out the answer to it?' said the march hare.
`what is a caucus-race?' said alice; not that she wanted much to know, but the dodo had paused as if it thought that somebody ought to speak, and no one else seemed inclined to say anything.
`that generally takes some time,' interrupted the gryphon.
`and washing?' said the mock turtle.
and i declare it's too bad, that it is!'
she went in without knocking, and hurried upstairs, in great fear lest she should meet the real mary ann, and be turned out of the house before she had found the fan and gloves.
said the mouse to the cur, "such a trial, dear sir, with no jury or judge, would be wasting our breath."
`i don't much care where--' said alice.
prizes!'
however, i've got back to my right size: the next thing is, to get into that beautiful garden--how is that to be done, i wonder?'
`so they were,' said the dormouse; `very ill.'
one of the jurors had a pencil that squeaked.
they had not gone far before they saw the mock turtle in the distance, sitting sad and lonely on a little ledge of rock, and, as they came nearer, alice could hear him sighing as if his heart would break.
`soles and eels, of course,' the gryphon replied rather impatiently: `any shrimp could have told you that.'
and alice was so much frightened that she ran off at once in the direction it pointed to, without trying to explain the mistake it had made.
`it's a cheshire cat,' said the duchess, `and that's why.
`what size do you want to be?' it asked.
`take some more tea,' the march hare said to alice, very earnestly.
who cares for fish, game, or any other dish?
`come, that's a good thing!' she said to herself, for she had felt quite unhappy at the number of executions the queen had ordered.
`what i was going to say,' said the dodo in an offended tone, `was, that the best thing to get us dry would be a caucus-race.'
he moved on as he spoke, and the dormouse followed him: the march hare moved into the dormouse's place, and alice rather unwillingly took the place of the march hare.
`what a number of cucumber-frames there must be!' thought alice.
`i've so often read in the newspapers, at the end of trials, "there was some attempts at applause, which was immediately suppressed by the officers of the court," and i never understood what it meant till now.'
`yes!' shouted alice.
`that was a narrow escape!' said alice, a good deal frightened at the sudden change, but very glad to find herself still in existence; `and now for the garden!' and she ran with all speed back to the little door: but, alas! the little door was shut again, and the little golden key was lying on the glass table as before, `and things are worse than ever,' thought the poor child, `for i never was so small as this before, never!
this time there could be no mistake about it: it was neither more nor less than a pig, and she felt that it would be quite absurd for her to carry it further.
`explain all that,' said the mock turtle.
alice looked at the jury-box, and saw that, in her haste, she had put the lizard in head downwards, and the poor little thing was waving its tail about in a melancholy way, being quite unable to move.
don't go splashing paint over me like that!'
`you may go,' said the king, and the hatter hurriedly left the court, without even waiting to put his shoes on.
`it must have been that,' said the king, `unless it was written to nobody, which isn't usual, you know.'
`perhaps it hasn't one,' alice ventured to remark.
(and, as you might like to try the thing yourself, some winter day, i will tell you how the dodo managed it.)
the first thing she heard was a general chorus of `there goes bill!' then the rabbit's voice along--`catch him, you by the hedge!' then silence, and then another confusion of voices--`hold up his head--brandy now--don't choke him--how was it, old fellow?
`i said pig,' replied alice; `and i wish you wouldn't keep appearing and vanishing so suddenly: you make one quite giddy.'
and she opened the door and went in.
`soo--oop of the e--e--evening, beautiful, beautiful soup!'
alice was just beginning to think to herself, `now, what am i to do with this creature when i get it home?' when it grunted again, so violently, that she looked down into its face in some alarm.
`in my youth,' said the sage, as he shook his grey locks, `i kept all my limbs very supple by the use of this ointment--one shilling the box-- allow me to sell you a couple?'
`of course it is,' said the duchess, who seemed ready to agree to everything that alice said; `there's a large mustard-mine near here.
the executioner's argument was, that you couldn't cut off a head unless there was a body to cut it off from: that he had never had to do such a thing before, and he wasn't going to begin at his time of life.
chapter x
`they're putting down their names,' the gryphon whispered in reply, `for fear they should forget them before the end of the trial.'
`don't you mean "purpose"?' said alice.
good-bye, feet!'
`after that,' continued the hatter, `i cut some more breadand-butter--'
`well, i should like to be a little larger, sir, if you wouldn't mind,' said alice: `three inches is such a wretched height to be.'
off with his head!"'
i suppose i ought to eat or drink something or other; but the great question is, what?'
`i quite agree with you,' said the duchess; `and the moral of that is--"be what you would seem to be"--or if you'd like it put more simply--"never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might appear to others that what you were or might have been was not otherwise than what you had been would have appeared to them to be otherwise."'
`it's the oldest rule in the book,' said the king.
`that you won't' thought alice, and, after waiting till she fancied she heard the rabbit just under the window, she suddenly spread out her hand, and made a snatch in the air.
how funny it'll seem to come out among the people that walk with their heads downward!
as she said this, she looked up, and there was the cat again, sitting on a branch of a tree.
`i must go and get ready to play croquet with the queen,' and she hurried out of the room.
`a knot!' said alice, always ready to make herself useful, and looking anxiously about her.
everybody looked at alice.
`speak roughly to your little boy, and beat him when he sneezes: he only does it to annoy, because he knows it teases.'
`'tis the voice of the lobster; i heard him declare, "you have baked me too brown, i must sugar my hair."
`turn a somersault in the sea!' cried the mock turtle, capering wildly about.
`i didn't know that cheshire cats always grinned; in fact, i didn't know that cats could grin.'
`i'd rather not,' the cat remarked.
`you know what to beautify is, i suppose?'
there seemed to be no use in waiting by the little door, so she went back to the table, half hoping she might find another key on it, or at any rate a book of rules for shutting people up like telescopes: this time she found a little bottle on it, (`which certainly was not here before,' said alice,) and round the neck of the bottle was a paper label, with the words `drink me' beautifully printed on it in large letters.
[later editions continued as follows when the sands are all dry, he is gay as a lark, and will talk in contemptuous tones of the shark, but, when the tide rises and sharks are around, his voice has a timid and tremulous sound.]
chapter iv
first it marked out a race-course, in a sort of circle, (`the exact shape doesn't matter,' it said,) and then all the party were placed along the course, here and there.
`this here young lady,' said the gryphon, `she wants for to know your history, she do.'
it was, no doubt: only alice did not like to be told so.
william's conduct at first was moderate.
`they couldn't have done that, you know,' alice gently remarked; `they'd have been ill.'
`i've had nothing yet,' alice replied in an offended tone, `so i can't take more.'
`each with a lobster as a partner!' cried the gryphon.
first, she dreamed of little alice herself, and once again the tiny hands were clasped upon her knee, and the bright eager eyes were looking up into hers--she could hear the very tones of her voice, and see that queer little toss of her head to keep back the wandering hair that would always get into her eyes--and still as she listened, or seemed to listen, the whole place around her became alive the strange creatures of her little sister's dream.
`oh, you're sure to do that,' said the cat, `if you only walk long enough.'
`thank you, it's a very interesting dance to watch,' said alice, feeling very glad that it was over at last: `and i do so like that curious song about the whiting!'
`you'd better not talk!' said five.
`well, then,' the gryphon went on, `if you don't know what to uglify is, you are a simpleton.'
`wouldn't it really?' said alice in a tone of great surprise.
`i won't!' said alice.
(alice thought this must be the right way of speaking to a mouse: she had never done such a thing before, but she remembered having seen in her brother's latin grammar, `a mouse--of a mouse--to a mouse--a mouse--o mouse!'
do cats eat bats?' and sometimes, `do bats eat cats?' for, you see, as she couldn't answer either question, it didn't much matter which way she put it.
and when i grow up, i'll write one--but i'm grown up now,' she added in a sorrowful tone; `at least there's no room to grow up any more here.'
`let's go on with the game,' the queen said to alice; and alice was too much frightened to say a word, but slowly followed her back to the croquet-ground.
(alice had been to the seaside once in her life, and had come to the general conclusion, that wherever you go to on the english coast you find a number of bathing machines in the sea, some children digging in the sand with wooden spades, then a row of lodging houses, and behind them a railway station.)
she got up and went to the table to measure herself by it, and found that, as nearly as she could guess, she was now about two feet high, and was going on shrinking rapidly: she soon found out that the cause of this was the fan she was holding, and she dropped it hastily, just in time to avoid shrinking away altogether.
you see, she came rather late, and the queen said--'
at this the whole pack rose up into the air, and came flying down upon her: she gave a little scream, half of fright and half of anger, and tried to beat them off, and found herself lying on the bank, with her head in the lap of her sister, who was gently brushing away some dead leaves that had fluttered down from the trees upon her face.
alice whispered to the gryphon.
chapter ix
it's by far the most confusing thing i ever heard!'
`hadn't time,' said the gryphon: `i went to the classics master, though.
`i'll fetch the executioner myself,' said the king eagerly, and he hurried off.
no, no!
alice replied, rather shyly, `i--i hardly know, sir, just at present-- at least i know who i was when i got up this morning, but i think i must have been changed several times since then.'
`a likely story indeed!' said the pigeon in a tone of the deepest contempt.
`how should i know?' said alice, surprised at her own courage.
`a barrowful of what?' thought alice; but she had not long to doubt, for the next moment a shower of little pebbles came rattling in at the window, and some of them hit her in the face.
let this be a lesson to you never to lose your temper!'
hush!' said the rabbit in a low, hurried tone.
`but she must have a prize herself, you know,' said the mouse.
`yes, it is his business!' said five, `and i'll tell him--it was for bringing the cook tulip-roots instead of onions.'
so they couldn't get them out again.
`if i eat one of these cakes,' she thought, `it's sure to make some change in my size; and as it can't possibly make me larger, it must make me smaller, i suppose.'
`yes, please do!' pleaded alice.
he unfolded the paper as he spoke, and added `it isn't a letter, after all: it's a set of verses.'
`wake up, alice dear!' said her sister; `why, what a long sleep you've had!'
let me see: i'll give them a new pair of boots every christmas.'
`oh, a song, please, if the mock turtle would be so kind,' alice replied, so eagerly that the gryphon said, in a rather offended tone, `hm!
`i won't indeed!' said alice, in a great hurry to change the subject of conversation.
silence all round, if you please!
but they have their tails in their mouths; and the reason is--' here the mock turtle yawned and shut his eyes.--`tell her about the reason and all that,' he said to the gryphon.
`what fun!' said the gryphon, half to itself, half to alice.
`and who is dinah, if i might venture to ask the question?' said the lory.
presently the rabbit came up to the door, and tried to open it; but, as the door opened inwards, and alice's elbow was pressed hard against it, that attempt proved a failure.
`i shall do nothing of the sort,' said the mouse, getting up and walking away.
soup of the evening, beautiful soup!
so she set to work, and very soon finished off the cake.
the queen!' and the three gardeners instantly threw themselves flat upon their faces.
`found it,' the mouse replied rather crossly: `of course you know what "it" means.'
the other guests had taken advantage of the queen's absence, and were resting in the shade: however, the moment they saw her, they hurried back to the game, the queen merely remarking that a moment's delay would cost them their lives.
the gryphon lifted up both its paws in surprise.
`come, that finished the guinea-pigs!' thought alice.
`come, my head's free at last!' said alice in a tone of delight, which changed into alarm in another moment, when she found that her shoulders were nowhere to be found: all she could see, when she looked down, was an immense length of neck, which seemed to rise like a stalk out of a sea of green leaves that lay far below her.
`you are old,' said the youth, `and your jaws are too weak for anything tougher than suet; yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak-- pray how did you manage to do it?'
no, it'll never do to ask: perhaps i shall see it written up somewhere.'
`oh!
tell me that first, and then, if i like being that person, i'll come up: if not, i'll stay down here till i'm somebody else"--but, oh dear!' cried alice, with a sudden burst of tears, `i do wish they would put their heads down!
here the other guinea-pig cheered, and was suppressed.
so you see, miss, we're doing our best, afore she comes, to--' at this moment five, who had been anxiously looking across the garden, called out `the queen!
`please would you tell me,' said alice, a little timidly, for she was not quite sure whether it was good manners for her to speak first, `why your cat grins like that?'
`i don't believe it,' said the pigeon; `but if they do, why then they're a kind of serpent, that's all i can say.'
our family always hated cats: nasty, low, vulgar things!
so she tucked it away under her arm, that it might not escape again, and went back for a little more conversation with her friend.
`if that's all you know about it, you may stand down,' continued the king.
`off with their heads!' and the procession moved on, three of the soldiers remaining behind to execute the unfortunate gardeners, who ran to alice for protection.
`why, she, of course,' said the dodo, pointing to alice with one finger; and the whole party at once crowded round her, calling out in a confused way, `prizes!
i'd nearly forgotten that i've got to grow up again!
`it is wrong from beginning to end,' said the caterpillar decidedly, and there was silence for some minutes.
`i don't know the meaning of half those long words, and, what's more, i don't believe you do either!'
first, however, she waited for a few minutes to see if she was going to shrink any further: she felt a little nervous about this; `for it might end, you know,' said alice to herself, `in my going out altogether, like a candle.
`it isn't mine,' said the hatter.
`nor i,' said the march hare.
`boots and shoes under the sea,' the gryphon went on in a deep voice, `are done with a whiting.
everything is so out-of-the-way down here, that i should think very likely it can talk: at any rate, there's no harm in trying.'
"edwin and morcar, the earls of mercia and northumbria, declared for him: and even stigand, the patriotic archbishop of canterbury, found it advisable--"'
`now tell me, pat, what's that in the window?'
`it proves nothing of the sort!' said alice.
`consider your verdict,' he said to the jury, in a low, trembling voice.
`but i don't want to go among mad people,' alice remarked.
there were doors all round the hall, but they were all locked; and when alice had been all the way down one side and up the other, trying every door, she walked sadly down the middle, wondering how she was ever to get out again.
`who is it directed to?' said one of the jurymen.
here the dormouse shook itself, and began singing in its sleep `twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle--' and went on so long that they had to pinch it to make it stop.
her chin was pressed so closely against her foot, that there was hardly room to open her mouth; but she did it at last, and managed to swallow a morsel of the lefthand bit.
i am so very tired of being all alone here!'
alice could see this, as she was near enough to look over their slates; `but it doesn't matter a bit,' she thought to herself.
she went on growing, and growing, and very soon had to kneel down on the floor: in another minute there was not even room for this, and she tried the effect of lying down with one elbow against the door, and the other arm curled round her head.
`"will you walk a little faster?" said a whiting to a snail.
`how fond she is of finding morals in things!'
`behead that dormouse!
and she thought of herself, `i wish the creatures wouldn't be so easily offended!'
`and where have my shoulders got to?
`what do you know about this business?' the king said to alice.
there was certainly too much of it in the air.
he got behind alice as he spoke.
`the game's going on rather better now,' she said, by way of keeping up the conversation a little.
`all right,' said the cat; and this time it vanished quite slowly, beginning with the end of the tail, and ending with the grin, which remained some time after the rest of it had gone.
`oh, you sing,' said the gryphon.
`you are old,' said the youth, `as i mentioned before, and have grown most uncommonly fat; yet you turned a back-somersault in at the door-- pray, what is the reason of that?'
`pepper, mostly,' said the cook.
`of course it was,' said the mock turtle.
it's him.'
tell her to begin.'
`oh, please mind what you're doing!' cried alice, jumping up and down in an agony of terror.
`i didn't mean it!' pleaded poor alice.
`--as far out to sea as you can--'
`are their heads off?' shouted the queen.
she was a good deal frightened by this very sudden change, but she felt that there was no time to be lost, as she was shrinking rapidly; so she set to work at once to eat some of the other bit.
oh my dear paws!
`you must remember,' remarked the king, `or i'll have you executed.'
first, because i'm on the same side of the door as you are; secondly, because they're making such a noise inside, no one could possibly hear you.'
`i'm a poor man, your majesty,' he began.
lastly, she pictured to herself how this same little sister of hers would, in the after-time, be herself a grown woman; and how she would keep, through all her riper years, the simple and loving heart of her childhood: and how she would gather about her other little children, and make their eyes bright and eager with many a strange tale, perhaps even with the dream of wonderland of long ago: and how she would feel with all their simple sorrows, and find a pleasure in all their simple joys, remembering her own child-life, and the happy summer days.
`oh, don't talk about trouble!' said the duchess.
`yes, but some crumbs must have got in as well,' the hatter grumbled: `you shouldn't have put it in with the bread-knife.'
`but perhaps he can't help it,' she said to herself; `his eyes are so very nearly at the top of his head.
who for such dainties would not stoop?
these were the verses the white rabbit read:--
`oh, i know!' exclaimed alice, who had not attended to this last remark, `it's a vegetable.
`if everybody minded their own business,' the duchess said in a hoarse growl, `the world would go round a deal faster than it does.'
alice knew it was the rabbit coming to look for her, and she trembled till she shook the house, quite forgetting that she was now about a thousand times as large as the rabbit, and had no reason to be afraid of it.
`when we were little,' the mock turtle went on at last, more calmly, though still sobbing a little now and then, `we went to school in the sea.
then it got down off the mushroom, and crawled away in the grass, merely remarking as it went, `one side will make you grow taller, and the other side will make you grow shorter.'
the dormouse had closed its eyes by this time, and was going off into a doze; but, on being pinched by the hatter, it woke up again with a little shriek, and went on: `--that begins with an m, such as mouse-traps, and the moon, and memory, and muchness-- you know you say things are "much of a muchness"--did you ever see such a thing as a drawing of a muchness?'
`i quite forgot you didn't like cats.'
`how can i have done that?' she thought.
`it all came different!' the mock turtle repeated thoughtfully.
alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister on the bank, and of having nothing to do: once or twice she had peeped into the book her sister was reading, but it had no pictures or conversations in it, `and what is the use of a book,' thought alice `without pictures or conversation?'
soo--oop of the e--e--evening, beautiful, beautiful soup!
would the fall never come to an end!
`which is just the case with mine,' said the hatter.
`nothing whatever?' persisted the king.
and the gryphon never learnt it.'
`you are old,' said the youth, `one would hardly suppose that your eye was as steady as ever; yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose-- what made you so awfully clever?'
`and how did you manage on the twelfth?'
(when she thought it over afterwards, it occurred to her that she ought to have wondered at this, but at the time it all seemed quite natural); but when the rabbit actually took a watch out of its waistcoatpocket, and looked at it, and then hurried on, alice started to her feet, for it flashed across her mind that she had never before seen a rabbit with either a waistcoat-pocket, or a watch to take out of it, and burning with curiosity, she ran across the field after it, and fortunately was just in time to see it pop down a large rabbit-hole under the hedge.
chapter vi
i gave her one, they gave him two, you gave us three or more; they all returned from him to you, though they were mine before.
the mouse gave a sudden leap out of the water, and seemed to quiver all over with fright.
the mouse looked at her rather inquisitively, and seemed to her to wink with one of its little eyes, but it said nothing.
alice had no idea what to do, and in despair she put her hand in her pocket, and pulled out a box of comfits, (luckily the salt water had not got into it), and handed them round as prizes.
at last the mock turtle recovered his voice, and, with tears running down his cheeks, he went on again:--
`a cheap sort of present!' thought alice.
where did they draw the treacle from?'
still she went on growing, and, as a last resource, she put one arm out of the window, and one foot up the chimney, and said to herself `now i can do no more, whatever happens.
advice from a caterpillar
there was a general clapping of hands at this: it was the first really clever thing the king had said that day.
`i didn't know it was your table,' said alice; `it's laid for a great many more than three.'
`you are old, father william,' the young man said, `and your hair has become very white; and yet you incessantly stand on your head-- do you think, at your age, it is right?'
and she kept on puzzling about it while the mouse was speaking, so that her idea of the tale was something like this:--
i needn't be afraid of them!'
let me see: that would be four thousand miles down, i think--' (for, you see, alice had learnt several things of this sort in her lessons in the schoolroom, and though this was not a very good opportunity for showing off her knowledge, as there was no one to listen to her, still it was good practice to say it over) `--yes, that's about the right distance--but then i wonder what latitude or longitude i've got to?'
`well, at any rate, the dormouse said--' the hatter went on, looking anxiously round to see if he would deny it too: but the dormouse denied nothing, being fast asleep.
and so it was indeed: she was now only ten inches high, and her face brightened up at the thought that she was now the right size for going through the little door into that lovely garden.
`she boxed the queen's ears--' the rabbit began.
`the queen will hear you!
there was a dead silence instantly, and alice thought to herself, `i wonder what they will do next!
`i can tell you more than that, if you like,' said the gryphon.
that will be a queer thing, to be sure!
`you couldn't have wanted it much,' said alice; `living at the bottom of the sea.'
then came a little pattering of feet on the stairs.
then the queen left off, quite out of breath, and said to alice, `have you seen the mock turtle yet?'